I can’t stop crying after hearing this woman’s rape victim letter. Her story is nothing like mine. So much worse, so much worse but it’s all still rape. For me, not that i’d rather be raped by a stranger or whatever but it’s so hurtful that I was raped by people I knew. People that I trusted. and yes, i guess saying “people” does imply that it was more than one person. I have this painful ache in my heart right now… for years, I’ve never been able to write about my rape story. I tried to forget about it. I tried to just say, what happens in vegas, stays in vegas. I tried to just pretend that it never happened. But then when i hear stories about roofies, drugs, and rape… it just takes me all back to that moment. That moment I was laying in the bed, shivering, with my clothes off, my teeth were grinding, I couldn’t talk. The only thing I remember saying is, “I can’t”. I can’t possibly be in this situation. I can’t possibly be having three men all on top of me. Prodding me, taking pictures of me, putting things in my face… I can’t possibly have been fooled and trusted the people I was with only to have them drug me. I can’t move right now. I wanted to get off the bed, I wanted to get out of the room, to get away but I just couldn’t even get up. I was trying to move, I just felt heavy. I tried to roll myself off the bed, I tried to push them off of me but I had no control of my body. On top of that, when they heard a knock on the door, i thought it was over, but it wasn’t. They even had a girl, another girl I thought I trusted, come in and “play with me” too. The horrible thing i just realized now is that, every single one of the guys, and the girl, all had significant others. All of them. To this day, that never occurred to me. Why on earth did they want to do this? I still don’t know if he drugged me thinking this was going to happen, or by chance it happened the way it did and they took advantage of it. I know that one other guy took the pills with me and we both passed out. But he got up in time to come to my room and take advantage me of.
After it happened, they just left me in the room.. Or I don’t remember because I passed out again.