please stop..

Im supposed to be working on my online portfolio right now but i work better on campus so i’m waiting for my mom to come home to bring me to uh sugar land. I just need to vent a little bit until then. This month started off so bad. I thought may would be an amazing month. april showers brings may flowers. My half birthday, diana’s birthday, cinco de mayo, dat’s birthday, james’ birthday, mother’s day, finals being over, coming home to nor*cal… Yeah, all of that is still going on, but nothing is turning out right. I’ve just been so down and it’s really taking a toll on me. I’m not sleeping right, nor am i eating right, i’m crying so much, i’m just not happy and the thing is, i hate that all that’s going on can affect me enough to make me cry. It’s just one bad thing on top of another and top it off with more.
I finallly worked out some of the things that were bothering me but I’m still hurt. Its over and done with and i’ve forgiven them, but i feel like they only stopped hurtING me, but the hurt that they already inflicted on me is still there. I understand nothing happened but i really dont like being lied to, i dont like people going behind my back, and people being scared of confrontation and would ignore me or hide from me just to avoid it. I dont like it that for that week when i was hurting so much, i felt like there wasn’t really anyone i could go to anymore. I didn’t like that when i just wanted SOME comfort I only got more pain and i was let down. I supposed ONE good turn out is that from all this, the stalker girl got a bad impression of it all and is now gone…
I still dont know exactly what i want. I know that I’m not fully happy… i figured i couldn’t possibly be happy right now but i dont know if i’m settling. i dont know if im making the right decsions these days i feel like i seem to always mess things up.. I just feel like everything i do, i’m not satisfied. I DONT KNOW! Everyone’s saying it and i believe that i need to go home. I need to just escape and figure myself out. I feel like ca is my roots, my family is there, my sisters, my dad, my neice from VN just came whom i’ve never met, i just feel like even though it’s only my dad’s side of the family and i am NOWHERE close with him, it’s still roots, it’s still escaping the chaos over here, it’s still clearing my mind so i can come back more focused. I feel like besides two people in houston, my sisters really keep me grounded. they keep me sane..at least diana does.. =__= and that’s what i need right now.

gahhh…okay mom’s home. GOOD LUCK ON FINALS TO EVERYONE!  — i guess who ever actuallly read this entry…

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4 thoughts on “please stop..

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