everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself; sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

after so many chances in the past year, why haven’t i learned from this yet? I thought i have been letting go, letting go of all the friends and memories that I’ve had and lost, letting go of all the things that were suppose to happen and never did… I do appreciate things when they go right but i think i lost a lot of trust in myself to let better things fall together. I believed too many lies from other people and i now i realized, that it wasn’t just lies from other people that i believed; i believed the lies i told myself. If i believed my own lies to myself, how do i trust myself again?
It’s something that I’ve been asking myself these days. I want to do it right this time around and although I don’t know what right is, I’m thinking that if i take a different route, I’ll end up in a different disposition. I feel like in the last year, i just kept losing. i lost all that i kept close to me, and i feel like i opened myself up too easily, i lead people right to my heart but they obviously had a different path for me. And the saddest thing is that i did this multiple times, i guess thinking that I’d find a true friend, just a friend, im not even talking about boyfriend or whatnot, but i kept losing. It reminds me of Gigi from “He’s just not that into you”. When she asked if she was suppose to just run from everyone who wasn’t interested in her, and then she was afraid that there wouldn’t be anyone left for her. I feel like i want to try to build my friendships back but a friend told me that in any relationship, including friendships, it’s a two way road and i shouldn’t continue to make the effort if the other person won’t reciprocate.
I’m still learning right now. To let go, to not trust people so easily, and to trust myself and believe in life.


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