i still call him my dad..

im stuck living this double life,
fake my happiness, hide my strife.
only hoping soon things will turn out
but the more i wish that, the more my parents shout.
shout at each other, bicker at little nothings,
my mom tries to take it but i look at her and she’s crying.
if only my dad saw, i wonder if he would care
or do what he always does and walk off leaving her there.
my whole family is dysfunctional as shit.
people look at pictures of us together with a smile and believe it.
believe that my dad is this person who’s been there our whole life,
who knows his daughters and cares for his wife,
when it’s all just a facade he puts on to win the hearts of others
and leaves my mom, my sisters myself smothered.
all our lives we’ve been sheltered, locked up in his world,
wanting us to make something of ourselves but treats us like little know-nothing girls.
i honestly believe that he did so much damage to my sisters and I,
and i try so hard to just move on from it as each day goes by
but the more i grow, the more my childhood haunts me,
the more i think about how i want it to be.
He’s so manipulative that i have to applaud,
hes wrong but he guilt trips me having me ask forgiveness from God.
How is it that you do something SO HORRIBLE and i just hit barely bad,
but you make me feel like im shit and you’re still do-nothing-wrong king… good job, dad.

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